Cars Blahs

BY and large it’s true what they say about boys and their toys. They really do just get bigger and more expensive the older they get. Over the years I have accumulated a random and fascinating collection of men who consider fast cars, motorbikes and speed boats to be symbols of their apparent manhood.

As a professional singleton, I have also notched up a pretty impressive number of dates and many of these have started with me teetering out of my house in unsuitably high heels to be met by a shiny, throbbing, fast ‘babe magnet’ that will inevitably be driven too fast by a man who later will only serve to disappoint.

There is truth in that old adage about men, sports cars and the size of certain body parts.

Sadly the scenario is only too familiar, and while we may well be told that ‘new’ man doesn’t consider the size of his engine or speed of his shaguar to be important, this information has clearly not been passed on to the many single men of a certain age who still think that driving like an out of control over excited school boy will impress a girl.

Really boys…a word from the wise…we are not impressed by break neck driving speeds, achieving ‘air’ over speed humps and hand brake turns in pub car parks. We only squeal in a girlish fashion at wheel spins because we feel sorry for you and are trying to manage your expectations (and have probably just poked ourselves in the eye with our mascara wand).

We know that you have probably spent ages thinking about this moment and how your luck will definitely be in, based on the fact that you thrash your car to within an inch of its life, narrowly avoiding wiping out entire colonies of pheasants. We understand that men are often defined by their cars and probably kiss them before they cover them up for the night in a fleecy blanket (why after all are cars always referred to as ‘she’…?) However, we don’t care.

Cars blahs.

Whether you drive a brand new Ferrari or a 20-year-old Nissan Micra, real women couldn’t give a rat’s ass about your wheels. All we really want is to have a date with a lovely bloke who isn’t defined by whatever it is that throbs away under his bonnet.

I realise that back in days gone by when lots of women didn’t drive and Terry Thomas was a pin up, girls would have found a spin in a soft top before taking afternoon tea on the lawn to be quite a highlight of their WHOLE LIFE. But things have changed. We have all moved on and even women are allowed to drive fast cars and motorbikes now you know.

Clean cars that haven’t been stolen are fine. Clean, presentable cars painted in one colour without dents and empty sandwich cartons on the floor are perfectly acceptable modes of transport when it comes to dating.

And please don’t be fooled…we know when you have gone to the trouble and expense of hiring a flash car for a weekend away with the intention of passing it off as your own and trying to impress your new ‘lady’. And no…getting pulled over for speeding isn’t clever either.

To be honest, it’s just easier (and safer) if we meet you there.

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