To date…or not to date…that IS the question

I have a lot of experience of going on dates. Probably too much if I am honest. They range from internet dates to speed dates and blind dates and even a couple of dates with men I actually met at proper events like dinner parties.

From the man from the Isle of Man who bought with him sample wedding invitations, copies of his bank statements and the deeds to his house (mental) to the part time Porsche driving firefighter who had to position himself in front of a mirror so that he could watch himself during our only romp (vain twat), they have been a mixed and varied bunch who, without question, are all worthy of a mention.

So with all this experience under my belt you are probably wondering why, after at least 72 internet dates, I haven’t met my match. So far my perfect man has managed to elude me but it hasn’t been for the want of trying. I firmly believe that, despite some genuine success stories from couples who I have actually interviewed about their forthcoming weddings having met online, trying to date men who you encounter in cyber space is just not a good option.

For one thing, many men I know who use dating websites just join up out of curiosity and have little or no intention of actually meeting anyone in the flesh. They want to see who’s out there, what they look like and in many cases, if they are up for a bit of cyber sex. In fact I have it on good authority that men have competitions to see how many blow jobs they can get on a first date based on the hunting they are doing online. By weeding out any women who appear to be too intelligent, well educated or keen on an actual relationship, they can be pretty confident that they are on a promise-even on a first date.

Women, however, seem to take it all a bit more seriously and despite their protestations to the contrary many of them DO have expectations beyond  ‘just hoping for a lovely evening and some interesting conversation’. In fact it’s time we were all a bit more honest about what it is we really want. We should man up about the single life and our expectations, hopes and fears and then we might actually stop having to aim low in order to avoid disappointment.

If all you want is a quick shag, a fuck buddy or a sugar daddy then admit it and follow your ‘dream’. However, don’t kid yourself that any of these options are likely to make you feel fulfilled, happy and content for any length of time because they are simply a means to an end.

If, on the other hand, you want to have a meaningful and long term relationship my advice would be to avoid anyone who uses text speak, gives you their mobile number after 32 seconds and has an email address along the lines of

Published by Sarah Adams

I am the author of The Life Edit, an eight step personal development coaching programme that harnesses the power of journalling and writing to help people make transformational changes to their lives. I am also journalist and writer who has worked for newspapers, magazines, TV and online for the last 35 years, and an accredited personal development practitioner. I have written books, appeared on TV and radio and have worked in the world of corporate communications as a senior manager. I launched and ran The Community Media Group for ten years-this is a social enterprise that exists to produce professional, community newspapers in socially challenging areas as well as providing free training.

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