It’s A Krispy Krime…
A crime that can only be described as despicable has been committed in the sleepy backwater where I live. The nearest town to my village is small and not exactly a retail destination (unless you count the very large and ever growing designer factory outlet on the outskirts of course). We have only just been blessed with a Marks and Sparks and a Costa so that gives you some idea of where we rank in the top ten of European short break shopping trips.
However, our local out of town Tesco has just joined in with a blatant attempt to cruelly sabotage this year’s LBD diet. We are a mere few weeks away from the party season and already hurtling towards ‘Christmas Countdown’ mode thanks to Good Housekeeping and bloody Kirstie Allsopp, she of the ‘home made Christmas’ nonsense. Things are bad enough as it as in terms of diet and exercise because with the clocks going back there are ample excuses to eat dumplings and watch Strictly rather than hit the treadmill.
To make matters worse, Tesco, in an obvious attempt to boost their gazillions of pounds of profits to an all time high have committed two heinous crimes.
Firstly there is this ridiculous buy one get TWO free thing. Apart from the fact that it no longer works as a half decent acronym (BOGOF-buy one get one free) the whole concept is crazy and designed to make us pile on the pounds as well as spending too many.
Ending up with a bathroom full of toothpaste is one thing, but a kitchen cupboard full to bursting of Pringles presents a whole new set of problems. Quite frankly, it’s just bloody rude. I had cured myself of my Pringle addiction following a weekend in Wales a year ago that involved little more than Green and Blacks chocolate, Pinot Grigio and dozens of tubes of the highly addictive salty snacks. Their savoury, crunchy curves seduced me just one stack too far and I vowed never to touch this devil food again. Of course I, along with other retail suckers, was lured to the buy one get two free options on my last trip to the supermarket and came home with three tubes of Pringles-including one in a flavour I have never heard of in my life.
God damn those marketing men with their seductive signage!
And just when you think things really can’t get any worse-what should pop up between the women’s mags, the pastries and the daily papers? A Krispy effing Kreme concession! A good friend and I were literally stopped in our tracks by the glow of the towering cabinet of delicious lovelies and went into an immediate panic. How on earth were we supposed to IGNORE this obvious attempt to make us buy a selection box of 12? Call the Carb Police immediately and have it all taken away PLEASE!
As if the croissants and Danish pastries weren’t bad enough, now I have to negotiate a route that involves a detour going well out of my way in order to still be able to buy a paper without even getting a sniff of a classic glazed or lemon meringue doughnut. It’s just one cake option too far and my fear is that resistance may well be futile. It’s all about timing and while Mr Tesco might be rubbing his hands with glee in the run up to the festive season, the zip on my little black dress may well be put under unnecessary strain…..I can feel a fashion crisis and a flowing tunic top coming on.