Get your fun bags out of the bean bags….Kirstie….I despair!

Fun bags and melted records..oh Kirstie!

OH Kirstie, Kirstie, Kirstie! I despair!
What with her bean bags, fabric painting and total destruction of a couple of half decent seventies rock albums (she melted them to create ‘bowls’) my flabber is well and truly gasted by tonight’s home spun nonsense.
Ms Allsop clearly loves a challenge as she took Mr and Mrs Poshly-Wittingston from Surrey (pronounced Surray) to what can only be described as an upmarket car boot sale to forage for some ‘jolly super’ things to decorate their nice house (pronounced hice).
What ERA does she think we are living in? 1952 perhaps? A time where women spent all day planning their husband’s evening meal in between crafting lavender bags from bits of gingham and re-covering an entire three piece suite in old curtains? I am torn between actually loving her and finding myself almost inspired to invest in some embroidery silks and polystyrene balls (£18 a bag in case you are fascinated) and wanting to stick her bloody knitting pins somewhere appropriate to shut the ‘posh, fat bird’ (her words) up once and for all.
I think Kirstie was born at the wrong time and really should have been about 21 in 1952. That way she would have been truly able to embrace the make do and mend culture that most families had no choice but to adopt. Instead we now have her hopping on and off a bloody horse and cart at every opportunity, asking people to turn out their attics and donate some ‘rag and bone’ stuff. The other week a very posh lady sauntered up to her with two bags full of designer fabric-what SUPER luck! Oh and the bags they were in…? further inspection revealed one was from Jigsaw and the other was Karen Millen!!! Priceless!
I am clearly addicted to the weekly sojurn to the world of shabby chic and ‘make it yourself’ textiles but I did find her over excitement at creating a glass bowl slightly vomit-inducing, not to mention the way she plunged half her body into a large sack of polystyrene balls while trying to look provocative and sex-kitten like.
It worries me that Ms Allsop is trying to PR herself as home making’s answer to Nigella….trust me Kirstie….you are more like a character from Malory Towers than from a porn film and there is no way on this earth that machine embroidery, patchwork and making bloody bean bags will EVER be as sexy as anything involving chocolate mousse.

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