Future Wife: Ain’t no mountain high enough….

So….by some miracle I find myself engaged. I am now officially a future wife and I, therefore, have a future husband. I can’t stand the word fiance so I have adopted the ‘future’ branding instead. It’s far more contemporary, very positive and, after all, I am NOT French.
Just to bring you up to date, here are the edited highlights so far:
January-meet ex boyfriend for coffee. Coffee lasts four hours. Decide not to go on date that was planned with Jon (he wore tickly jumpers, drove a Jaaaag and tried to impress me with talk of apartments in Miami and children at private school. It was getting fearfully near to the ‘next date will probably be a shag,’ situation so quite frankly I needed to break free from his clutches. Not least of all because he had snogged me like we were at a school disco (dribbly and desperate) the week before in a pub car park and I really hadn’t enjoyed it.)
Ex boyfriend (now future husband) had a blind date with a woman who has several children (several fathers…) We dumped our dates and felt guilty for about three minutes before skipping off into the sunset (well to Wagamamas actually).
The rest is pretty much history but thus far it has been a roller coaster romance of epic proportions and a million times better than the relationship we previously had several years ago.
Future husband is an outdoors freak. He has expensive weatherproof gear, lots of Lycra (yes..I AM a VERY lucky girl) and even special shoes that he wears for cycling. Because of my deep and unfailing love for this rugged vision of a man I have too sucumbed to the wearing of outdoor clothing to follow him like a little love sick puppy over hill and dale…river and sea. Latest expeditions have included a VERY long trek up an actual mountain with three of our children (we have six in total) and my rather overweight Labrador. I was dreading it. Truth be told-it was fantastic. I loved it, positively embraced it and even said crazy thing like ‘yep-let’s do it again!!!!’ Crazy fool!
Anyway-last weekend we went on another walk that involved crossing a Ford. Now, when I cross a Ford (in my Ford funnily enough) I have come to expect a small splash-nothing more than a large puddle. Therefore I was rather excited about a little mid afternoon paddle through a small splashy puddle. In my head I was thinking swimming pool foot bath. How wrong I was.
The ‘Ford’ was actually a river. An actual running, quite deep, wet, cold river containing weed. Lots and lots of weed that tried to wrap around my legs and feet like a nasty underwater killer eel and drag me under only to let me be eaten alive by fish and leeches and other watery nature shit.
I removed my shoes (walking-made by Karrimor) and my socks and stepped into the water. I was not happy. This was not my best day and I really longed for a bridge to just appear. Anyway, I had no choice but to wade (up to my knees) in the cold, weedy water over to the other side. Meanwhile future husband was striding off purposefully telling me not to worry. Two swans watched my struggle and looked very smug. I am right off swans.
So…I was less than impressed. However, I have realised that every cloud has a silver lining and this very day I have found balance in my life as a future wife. Future husband has spent the large part of his weekend (with my help) rampaging through my garden with various implements to prune the undergrowth that was quite frankly ‘over’ growth. We have had bonfires. He has been masterful, big and strong and very clever. He has also erected a new shower curtain pole. (much to the delight of the neighbours following the announcement as follows: “hey sexy-I need a hand with my pole-it’s getting a bit hard on my own” that was shouted from the landing window.) Future husband has now left the house for a well deserved bike ride-wearing LYCRA. This afternoon I had the pleasure of watching his astride my bath, large power tool in hand while he drilled into my walls, followed by him leaving the house all Lycra’d up-I love being a future wife….there are MANY advantages!

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