Well dear reader I do think that finally summer is here. Now, not only can I reliably tell you this based on the fact that the sun has not only been positively been identified as the large yellow glowing orb in the sky, but the sky is also the correct colour of blue, the dogs are both asleep in the shade and the ice cream man has already been round twice. But more importantly I know for sure that this is summer because of the classic fashion faux pas that many, many people are making this very day.
I am not entirely blameless as I am wearing a boob tube and a cowboy hat (with some funky trousers and silver sandals I might add) and I have recently had to remove my bra so I won’t be stepping foot off my patio let me tell you!
However, over the last week I have encountered quite a few brave nods to ‘fashion’. It all started this time last week at a festival. This is the ideal place to try out new looks because everyone looks as mad as the next person, but I suspect there were some very serious cases of sunburn on Monday as many, many strapless tops and dresses were being worn, not only without the full support of a well fitting bra, but also without that beauty essential -sunscreen.
In the last 24 hours however, standards have stooped to an all time low ( including my own) and I have witnessed some distressing sites. Men!!!! Why oh why oh why do you think it is ok to just pop down the shops/pub/petrol station without putting a shirt on?
I don’t care for your hairy nipples being thrust into my face when I am trying to negotiate the chilled aisle. No! I do not wish to witness your beer belly as you lean into the ice cream cabinet in Lidl. Please stop standing there in your bare chested fashion, hands on hips, crate of beer in trolley moaning like buggery about the weather.
yes! It IS hot isn’t it!!!!!! Now clear off and put a bloody shirt on I beg you. Even a vest would be better (actually no it wouldn’t unless you are an athlete of some sort) and as for footwear please stop with the socks and sandals. It’s not ironic you just look like twats.
And girls! I am no fashionista but if you must go strapless in public then at least offer those bouncing bangers a bit of support. I worry that you will lean just a little too far in the bakery section and boom! Out they will pop for all to see and nobody wants to witness a Judy Finnegan on a Saturday afternoon.
also…and again I am guilty of this…why do we think that our bodies have suddenly changed shape just because the mercury is rising? If you were a curvy size 22 yesterday then there is no reason (or pair of hot pants big enough) to suspect that anything has changed. So just pop it all under some lovely cool linen and spare us all. Please.