Have you been tempted to tweak the truth?


A new survey out this week has revealed that out of the 13,000 people who took part in a study, one in four women and one in five men admits to looking at their partner’s text messages, emails and Facebook accounts.
Qu’elle horreur my single chums! What kind of message is this sending out to all those totally honest potential dates out there?!
Apparently, the study by security firm Avast, found that few people who went sneaking around suspected their partner was actually cheating, but about 12 per cent thought their partners might be telling porkies about something.
Let’s be honest, and I mean REALLY honest…how many of us have had a sneaky peak at our partner’s phone just ‘out of curiosity’ ? Being open and honest with each other isn’t always easy, people tend to dislike confrontation and therefore the easier option is a bit of low level digital espionage.
However, anyone who is trying to find love on line will be very aware of the temptation to tweak the truth and this can become something of an obsession to the point where we actually believe our own hype. If we want something or to be with someone badly enough, is it ever OK to change so radically that we barely recognise ourselves in the process?
Many of the men I dated most definitely spent time tweaking in an effort to make sure they told me what they thought I wanted to hear. They were inevitably better qualified, richer, kinder, funnier, better travelled and more charitable than in real life, but if I am honest, their tweaking didn’t wash with me and I could see right through them. Apart from being irritating, it made me a bit sad to think that someone would over inflate their achievements because they thought I would not consider them to be good enough otherwise.
So tweaking and being a bit sneaky can manifest itself in all sorts of ways. In the first days of dating someone new, we might be tempted to tweak a few details, thinking that if the relationship works out it will either be forgotten as true love takes over, or you will have such a great and robust relationship that you will be able to confess all, have a giggle about it and move on. Then as we progress further down the coupled-up road what happens next? If you lie to your new partner how can you be sure they are not doing the same? Does it become a constant campaign of checking emails, breaking into Facebook accounts and general social surveillance?
Relationships cannot survive that level of suspicion. It is exhausting. But is honesty ALWAYS the best policy?
There are arguments that honesty is not always the best policy, particularly if we want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Considerate, kind and gentle honesty is one thing, but brutal honesty that will upset someone is cruel. When I was dating, one man announced that he was unable to perform in bed because my thighs were so fat he couldn’t concentrate. Cruel. Jason Peach where are you now I wonder? No need for that level of honesty, ever.
So this week as you continue on your dating journey, think carefully about how you portray yourself both online and in person. There is no point in claiming that you love children and would love to meet someone with children if actually the thought makes your skin crawl. Similarly if you are a home bird and are happiest in familiar surroundings don’t start proclaiming that you suffer from regular bouts of wanderlust and have a desire to spend a year travelling across Africa.
Be honest about who you are and what you want and you will attract the same into your life. Start off with lies and embellishments and it will end up messy, complicated and exhausting, and if you can’t say something nice to someone just don’t say anything at all.
Remember, nobody is perfect and we all have faults. Every relationship has to reach a level of acceptance of those things that could drive us mad, but don’t start with lies, deceit and endless criticism or you could be single for a very long time!

Read more dating blogs and advice at http://www.honestlydating.com

Published by Sarah Adams

I am the author of The Life Edit, an eight step personal development coaching programme that harnesses the power of journalling and writing to help people make transformational changes to their lives. I am also journalist and writer who has worked for newspapers, magazines, TV and online for the last 35 years, and an accredited personal development practitioner. I have written books, appeared on TV and radio and have worked in the world of corporate communications as a senior manager. I launched and ran The Community Media Group for ten years-this is a social enterprise that exists to produce professional, community newspapers in socially challenging areas as well as providing free training.

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