Inundated or undated?


ALL too often people who are searching for live online, are very quick to tell me that they genuinely have no idea where they are going wrong. They can’t seem to get a date for love nor money and yet they are convinced that their profile is top notch, witty, engaging, beautifully crafted and definitely worthy of a date-if not two.

They are equally quick to then criticise online dating as an ineffective way of meeting new people, convinced that every site is the same and every other online dater is some kind of lunatic.

When I look at their profiles, it becomes crystal clear why these long term singletons are simply not getting the dates they feel they deserve, but with a few clever tweaks, they could soon find themselves inundated, rather than undated!

Firstly, the harsh reality is my friends that by joining a dating site and posting a profile you are effectively entering into a marketing agreement with yourself to promote you as an attractive proposition to others. This may sound harsh, but it is a fact. You want to meet someone and you are putting yourself out there which is great, but just like any marketing and PR strategy you need to make sure it works and that you are really sending the right messages to your audience.

It is vital to stay upbeat and keep it brief. We are busy people! We don’t have time to read hundreds of words about someone, and in fact it is far more exciting to know a little and then learn a whole a lot more on an actual date. By writing too much about ourselves, we run the risk of either rambling or ranting and neither are likely to attract the right kind of person.

Avoid using any phrases that imply you have had a bad break up, you are hurt or emotionally wounded, and never ever put yourself down. You don’t need to be arrogant but you do need to be proud of who you are and very honest too.

Instead of coming across as someone who feels they should try new things, just get on and try them and enjoy them! I read a profile recently of a single girl who actually said in her profile twice that she wanted to meet someone who would force her to try new activities. That is never going to win you any dates my friends because we should not expect dates to expand our horizons in that way. It sounds needy and desperate and it also made her sound like a couch potato who was happiest at home with her cat watching the Breaking Bad box set.

The same girl also mentioned cats a lot, along with an addiction to peanut butter smoothies and watching the Muppets…and she also banged on about being overweight and really needing to do something about it! Men simply don’t find this kind of detail attractive.

When it comes to messaging, keep it short and sweet and don’t ignore people because that is just RUDE! They have taken the time to contact you so you should at least reply. How would you feel if you sent some messages and didn’t get a single reply?

Photos can be a minefield and I would advise you not to post a picture of yourself in swimwear, lingerie or anywhere near anything that remotely resembles a bed! A man once said to me that when a woman posts a bedroom picture, men immediately imagine themselves next to her on that bed! If that is the impression you want to give then fine, but anyone who wants to meet someone for a long term relationship probably wants people to see a bit beyond the boudoir!

Happy, smiley photos that are natural, not posed and bright and cheerful are always winners. You need to look as though you enjoy your life already and that meeting the right person to share it with is an added bonus.

Free websites such as are generally more likely to generate more interest in your profile than paid for sites, so if you think your profile is a bit below par then now is a great time to take another look and really up your game.

Published by Sarah Adams

I am the author of The Life Edit, an eight step personal development coaching programme that harnesses the power of journalling and writing to help people make transformational changes to their lives. I am also journalist and writer who has worked for newspapers, magazines, TV and online for the last 35 years, and an accredited personal development practitioner. I have written books, appeared on TV and radio and have worked in the world of corporate communications as a senior manager. I launched and ran The Community Media Group for ten years-this is a social enterprise that exists to produce professional, community newspapers in socially challenging areas as well as providing free training.

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