“Life is what happens when you are making other plans”

Life is what happens when you are making other plans…

I love this quote and it is so true, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. When I married my first husband I was young, in love (or so I thought) and ready to spend the rest of my life with him and live happily ever after. Of course, life has a nasty habit of biting you on the arse just when you think things are going OK, and he had an affair and left me shortly after I had our second baby.

This was not my life plan, and divorce followed along with many, many years of being a single parent. It was tough, emotionally and financially, and at one point I was just a few weeks away from facing bankruptcy and losing our home. There were many times when I felt like either running away, closing the door and ignoring everyone or just standing on a hill and screaming how unfair it all bloody well was!
But, like every other single parent in the world, I had to just get on with it. I changed my life plan and had no option but to embrace what had been thrown at me and make the best of it all. Convinced I would never meet anyone ever again, let alone get married, I just worked hard, looked after my children and spent time with my lovely friends and my family who all looked after me and made sure I didn’t collapse in a heap.
Of course life just happens and once I stopped stressing about the unfairness of everything and realised that no amount of anger was going to change anything, things started to get better. I started to like myself a lot better (always tricky when the man you thought was the love of your life has said you are fat, ugly and not at all sexy!) and decided to let things just unfold.
As you all know, I am NOW married to the actual love of my life and life has never been better. However, he was not the man I thought I would end up spending the rest of my life with, and I could never have planned for the way the things have finally turned out. At the time I was distracted by a man who I genuinely thought I could convince to fall in love with me-it was NEVER going to happen and once I accepted that I could see clearly that I had genuinely lovely, kind and caring people in my life-one of whom just happened to be my husband!
My message to all my single friends is simple. Do not write the script for your next relationship. Just go with the flow and see what happens, because life will chuck good things and bad things at us and we need to embrace this and be relaxed about it because you just never know how life is going to turn out, and if we spend too much time worrying, analysing and stressing we might miss the good bits!

Published by Sarah Adams

I am the author of The Life Edit, an eight step personal development coaching programme that harnesses the power of journalling and writing to help people make transformational changes to their lives. I am also journalist and writer who has worked for newspapers, magazines, TV and online for the last 35 years, and an accredited personal development practitioner. I have written books, appeared on TV and radio and have worked in the world of corporate communications as a senior manager. I launched and ran The Community Media Group for ten years-this is a social enterprise that exists to produce professional, community newspapers in socially challenging areas as well as providing free training.

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