The side panel of shame

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Apparently this is news….

The side panel of shame

I have a love/hate relationship with the Daily Mail (mostly hate) but I still find myself strangely drawn to (not addicted you understand) the side panel of shame. Like most people-if they are honest.

Unfortunately, I am a bit out of the celeb inner circle these days as I no longer work with the lovely Vicky, Lisa, Bec and Nat who used to keep me fully in touch with the goings on across a number of celebrity platforms, from Bake Off to Big Brother, TOWIE to MIC, I relished their regular updates even though for the most part I still wasn’t entirely sure who half of these people were. Their knowledge was vast and detailed and impressive. I always felt a bit country bumpkin about it all and felt compelled to secretly buy Hello and Heat magazine to try and improve my celebrity knowledge.

Occasionally we would indulge in a little challenge and email each other the best bits from the side panel of shame-not when we were really busy though, obvs! I quite miss that actually…happy days. Oh how I will always remember Sarah Jessica Parker wearing a red coat and actually holding hands with her children…

So, as a little gift to my fully celeb-ed up friends, here is just a tiny bit of what I found in today’s side panel of shame.

Kim Kardashian flashes her cleavage while Khloe Kardashian goes bra less. Meanwhile Charlie Dimmock has a fuller figure these days and Kate Winslet is NOT pregnant.
In other news, Kourtney Kadashian wears her leotard over her jeans (what like Wonder Woman? Don’t we all do that sometimes? No? Just me? Oh ok…) and Gemma reveals the shock news that TOWIE is NOT real.

However, the really big shocker of the day is that Victoria Beckham is no longer wearing heels. She prefers a comfy pair of trainers but has ‘beyond hate’ for ballet flats…should we have a national day of mourning?

I actually can’t wait for tomorrow. Today I will be swotting up on who these Jenner people are? My teenage son looks at me in despair whenever I mention this but I remain confused.

Well it has started…

The countdown to possibly the biggest and most important social event of the year has begun, and I am not talking about Mrs T’s funeral although,  I do believe quite strongly that the organisers would do well to take a leaf out of my social planning handbook. 

As you may, or may not aware are, I am getting married in the summer. “hurrah” I hear some of you cry “really?” I hear all my former Internet datees mutter in raised eyebrow disbelief while propping up bars across the UK.

Well yes, it is true, I am to marry this summer and I am planning to do the whole thing on a budget-hence my social planning handbook. So far I have purchased a dress, bridesmaid dresses, bunting, bunting, bunting oh and some bunting and various other fabulous bridal items and have spent about £7. Now… surely if I can organise the most important day of my life on a budget, it’s not much to ask for Maggie’s demise to be marked in a similar fashion-after all it is the most important day of her death, so to speak.

I was going to suggest that we should all pop round to some of the poorest Sun reading areas of the country (because they all loved her after all) with a bucket and ask everyone to chip in, but in the nick of time I remembered the welfare reforms and realised just how tactless that would be. Darn that Government of ours…

So another idea might be to make do and mend perhaps? There must be someone on ebay knocking out pre owned coffins and with with a bit of upcycling who knows what kind of beautiful thing could be created? Get Kirsty Allsopp on the case, she loves a challenge and with a bit of wire wool and some vintage floral fabric anything is possible.

Now…talking of all things floral I will be ‘doing’ my own flowers for my big day and this will involve a trip to Tescos in the pleasure bus (Ford Galaxy) the day before to stock up. Surely this set up could work equally well for a funeral?

You see, with a bit of thought and application (oh and a teensy weensy bit of good old common sense) it really is possible to organise even relatively substantial social events for less than £10 million..now as for those irritating little welfare reforms don’t get me started…actually it warms my heart to think that Daily Mail readers across the nation have got so much to occupy them this week, they must be laughing and crying in equal measure. “Poor Margaret…so sad…weep…weep…weep”  “Stupid poor work shy nasty people…serves them right hahhahhahhah.” But this all begs the REALLY BIG question….what WOULD Diana say?